the one where I got married!
well hello hello! you may or may not have noticed, i’ve taken quite the hiatus from posting. those of you who have been married know that planning a wedding can be so stressful. for me, i already had enough outside of wedding planning that was stressing me out, so i really wanted to keep my wedding as minimal and stress-free as possible. in fact, my now-husband and i decided to go to our local courthouse and bring along my childhood best friend as our witness. no family, no additional friends; just the three of us. afterwards, we went out for a quick lunch, then went home and relaxed for a bit. it was so chill! not to worry; i still bought the dress, he wore a tux, and around sunset time, we had professional pictures taken at the beautiful Lake Tahoe.
now for honesty hour: i absolutely hated my dress and spent the majority of the day internally spiraling despite everyone sweetly fawning over me. i was convinced (and still am) that that’s simply what you do for the bride on her special day regardless of whether or not she really looks beautiful or not. nonetheless, i know i have a tendency to get really in my head, so i tried so hard to be as present and in the moment as possible. can i be so honest, though? I’ve actually never felt more self-conscious or insecure than my wedding day. the dress was not flattering, my hair was flat, and my makeup didn’t turn out how i wanted. plus, i ordered my dress online, and while i did do custom sizing, the top fit horribly in the chest and I honestly hated the way most of our pictures turned out. now don’t get me wrong, our photographer was incredible! if for some reason Sarah is reading this, shoutout to you girl, you’re a queen. I’d recommend her to anyone and everyone. but it was a mix of me feeling self conscious, not loving my dress, hair, or my makeup, and overall not being at my optimal weight for my wedding that really stuck the final nail in the coffin.
despite my wonderful husband sweetly reassuring me how gorgeous I looked all day, I couldn’t wait to take off that dress, make up, and wash out the hairspray. it was all just so unlike me. I once listed to a podcast of Emma Chamberlain where she said she’d rather be underdressed than overdressed and I have never related to something more. granted, I know it was my wedding day and I couldn’t possibly be “overdressed.” BUT - I absolutely hated the attention, even though it was all positive and exciting. the stares, congratulations, people telling me how beautiful I looked, it made my kneecaps sweat and my chest hurt. I just kept thinking, “UGH! please, look at my husband, or my best friend, don’t they look great?? They’re both dressed up too!” Or, “let’s talk about the weather!” I have never wanted to be more invisible than in that moment.
listen, there are plenty of people who wait for their wedding day to walk down the isle to have tons of people look at them and fawn over them, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. but that is quite literally my worst nightmare. i’d rather be lost in the crowd somewhere, invisible to everyone else, besides maybe to my husband.
i can’t be too negative, though. the day was truly a beautiful and memorable day, and most importantly - i married the absolute love of my life and that is ALL that matters to me. plus, there are some great pictures that we really do cherish, and perhaps one day i’ll look back on them with kinder eyes (my man looks fantastic by the way, i look very kindly at him LOL, just a bit harshly at myself) but i wouldn’t be me if i gave you only the highlight version.
i am especially excited to change my last name, and to share all of the wonderful things that have happened since being married, moving in with my husband, and all of the things I’ve learned (now that I’m obviously a marriage expert). but that will be for another day.
until next time,
Cassidy BRYANT !!!
xoxo
